Uncharacteristic Introspection

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions. I sort of take life like a constant opportunity for self-improvement. Whether any of us take the opportunity is another matter, but the opportunity is always present.

But, I suppose that the passing into a new year does inevitably lead to some self-examination. I've been doing a bit of that over the last couple of days, and I think I have found some things that I need to work on.

It may surprise some of you (particularly those of you who have met me), but when I was a child, I was very shy. PAINFULLY, extremely shy. I grew up relatively isolated, and the adjustment to a more social atmosphere was difficult for me. For the most part, I became able to approach people by the time I was 16 or 17. Before that, it was nearly impossible.

While I will never be a particularly gregarious person, I am now able to meet new people, have conversations without stammering, and I don't live in constant fear of judgement. However, I think that one of the last vestiges of that shyness is that I often find myself unable to ask for things that I really want, or even things that I am due. It happens in both professional and in personal situations. I tell myself that it would be a bother for the other person, that I should probably just do it myself, that it would be too selfish of me to ask, etc., etc.

It's not that I want to make extravagant selfish demands, but I think I might be a bit happier if I could occasionally just go ahead and ask. Or delegate. Or command, if need be.