The Kindness of a Crush
It was the fall of 1990, and I was just starting college. hiccup and I had met, but were not yet an item, so to speak. I was having a frustrating time, both academically and socially, and was striking out spectacularly in the dating department.
The acquaintance of a friend had caught my eye. She was an absolutely stunning girl with gray-green eyes, a quirky hippyish fashion and a beautiful mouth that turned down at the corners. She had a dazzling smile, a pleasantly husky voice and an adorable giggle. I was smitten.
We had a class together (I forget which), and sometimes ended up walking the same direction afterward. One day, in a moment of uncharacteristic boldness, I decided I would ask her on a date.
I braced myself for the inevitable embarrassment of rejection. This girl was so far out of my league I felt it an insult to her that I was walking on the same sidewalk. In the past weeks I had been shot down in some fairly humiliating ways, and expected the worst.
Instead, she touched my arm, smiled her incredible smile and told me she was flattered that I asked her, but that she was seeing someone at the time. Her actions were genuine, and she made every effort to take the awkwardness away from the situation, striking up another conversation without skipping a beat. It was the only time in my life that I ever got turned down and walked away feeling better about myself.
Sometimes it's the small kindnesses that make an impression. I still think back that moment occasionally and remember how she took care to make me feel good about myself. After months of pursuing girls who had definitely taken other approaches, it made me examine what sort of women I was interested in. I paid much closer attention to how prospective dates treated other people after that. It made a difference in who I approached, and I definitely came out better for it.
I wonder what happened to that girl. I also wonder if whoever she might have settled down with realizes how lucky they are.
The acquaintance of a friend had caught my eye. She was an absolutely stunning girl with gray-green eyes, a quirky hippyish fashion and a beautiful mouth that turned down at the corners. She had a dazzling smile, a pleasantly husky voice and an adorable giggle. I was smitten.
We had a class together (I forget which), and sometimes ended up walking the same direction afterward. One day, in a moment of uncharacteristic boldness, I decided I would ask her on a date.
I braced myself for the inevitable embarrassment of rejection. This girl was so far out of my league I felt it an insult to her that I was walking on the same sidewalk. In the past weeks I had been shot down in some fairly humiliating ways, and expected the worst.
Instead, she touched my arm, smiled her incredible smile and told me she was flattered that I asked her, but that she was seeing someone at the time. Her actions were genuine, and she made every effort to take the awkwardness away from the situation, striking up another conversation without skipping a beat. It was the only time in my life that I ever got turned down and walked away feeling better about myself.
Sometimes it's the small kindnesses that make an impression. I still think back that moment occasionally and remember how she took care to make me feel good about myself. After months of pursuing girls who had definitely taken other approaches, it made me examine what sort of women I was interested in. I paid much closer attention to how prospective dates treated other people after that. It made a difference in who I approached, and I definitely came out better for it.
I wonder what happened to that girl. I also wonder if whoever she might have settled down with realizes how lucky they are.
posted by ptooey at
10:56 AM
3 Comments:
Sweet story. Thanks! If only all young people were as aware, and caring.
By
bhd, at Sat Feb 16, 11:59:00 AM
That was a sweet story. Thanks for sharing. I got shot down a lot my freshman year, too. And never as nicely as that.
By
Anonymous, at Sat Feb 16, 12:23:00 PM
bhd - thanks. Yes, I think she was perhaps both more mature and more empathetic than most people of that age.
alison - thanks to you, as well. I had some real doozies, I can tell you. My favorite was a valley-girlish "As if!."
I was never good at dating. I'm glad I didn't have to go through much of it. hiccup and I started going steady just a few months after this happened - she was dating my roommate at the time. Heh.
By
ptooey, at Sat Feb 16, 12:43:00 PM
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