Short Attention Span Summary
Yeah, you're right. I'm boring myself here. I'll summarize all of this crapola with a quick recap of the next couple of years.
September '01 - When we picked out a casket for my brother, the funeral director didn't have any on hand that were long enough (Kyle was about 6'6".) His first offer was to bend Kyle's knees. To this day, that strikes me as odd. We opted instead to have a casket shipped from Denver. It's funny the things that stick with you.
December '01 - My mom went to the doctor for the first time in many, many years to have some enlarged lymph nodes looked at. She was subsequently diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and started chemotherapy.
January '02 - We found out that my wife was pregnant. Since everyone was so starved for good news, we decided that we would let the cat out of the bag early. This was a big mistake.
February '02 - Miscarriage...crap.
June '02 - Pregnant again! Yay!
July-August '02 - Progesterone levels too low...Scary.
September '02 - Almost one year to the day after my brother's accident, I am informed that the lab that I had worked at for the last 3 1/2 years would be closed within the next month, leaving me unemployed with a baby on the way.
The University of Wyoming holds a memorial service for the eight runners.
October '02 - I am jobless. My wife begins substitute teaching as much as she can while pregnant. Health insurance is very, very expensive and uses up nearly all of the severance package I had received from the laboratory.
December '02 - My friend and neighbor, a member of the Army National Guard, receives notice that he will leave for Iraq.
My neighbor greets me early New Year's Eve morning, jubilantly exclaiming that Jack 'n' Cokes make an excellent breakfast.
January '03 - We say goodbye to my neighbor and promise to help his wife out however we can until he returns.
I am informed that I have been hired by my current employer, but must begin training the next month in Missoula, Montana.
February '03 - A is born on the third, which was to be my first day of work. I call my extraordinarily understanding boss that morning and my first week of employment will be on family leave.
I begin training the next week, and for the next 6 months I only see my family on weekends, flying out early every Monday morning and returning late Friday night.
August '03 - I finally return to Casper for good.
September '03 - We learn that my neighbor was killed in Tikrit by an improvised explosive device.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I shaved off my moustache a couple of years ago. I started growing it back the very next day because it spooked me when I looked up in the mirror and saw my brother's face staring back at me. Those little flashes of pain are the ones that are worst - when I see someone who reminds me of him there's also the reminder that I'll never see him again. I'll never meet the woman he might choose to marry. We'll never sit on the patio and barbecue, and watch our kids play around the backyard. I'll never hear him mimic Jerry Lewis or explain to me that it's hard for angry musicians to maintain their intensity as they become successful because they can't be that pissed off while sitting around their swimming pool surrounded by beautiful women.
For what it's worth, there are bright sides. My mom has been in remission for nearly four years. Other than an understandable bitterness, she is doing well. Unfortunately, her younger brother died of cancer two years ago this November. This was very hard on her, and makes me more than a little wary of my own genetic predisposition toward the same.
Our family life returned to normal eventually. C is still a bit overly clingy toward me on occasion. I don't mind.
Our neighbor's wife eventually moved back to her hometown, and successfully started her own business. I hear she's dating again. Shortly before her husband left for Iraq, they had come over to our house. He was messing about with our refrigerator magnet poetry set and assembled the sentence "I fiddle with produce." It somehow went untouched until well after he died. I put a piece of tape over it, and every time I look at it I think of Robert.
C has shown a healthy aptitude for running, and eerily inherited a lot of her uncle's mannerisms and facial expressions. I don't mind that, either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, the first frost of the year happened this morning.
September '01 - When we picked out a casket for my brother, the funeral director didn't have any on hand that were long enough (Kyle was about 6'6".) His first offer was to bend Kyle's knees. To this day, that strikes me as odd. We opted instead to have a casket shipped from Denver. It's funny the things that stick with you.
December '01 - My mom went to the doctor for the first time in many, many years to have some enlarged lymph nodes looked at. She was subsequently diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and started chemotherapy.
January '02 - We found out that my wife was pregnant. Since everyone was so starved for good news, we decided that we would let the cat out of the bag early. This was a big mistake.
February '02 - Miscarriage...crap.
June '02 - Pregnant again! Yay!
July-August '02 - Progesterone levels too low...Scary.
September '02 - Almost one year to the day after my brother's accident, I am informed that the lab that I had worked at for the last 3 1/2 years would be closed within the next month, leaving me unemployed with a baby on the way.
The University of Wyoming holds a memorial service for the eight runners.
October '02 - I am jobless. My wife begins substitute teaching as much as she can while pregnant. Health insurance is very, very expensive and uses up nearly all of the severance package I had received from the laboratory.
December '02 - My friend and neighbor, a member of the Army National Guard, receives notice that he will leave for Iraq.
My neighbor greets me early New Year's Eve morning, jubilantly exclaiming that Jack 'n' Cokes make an excellent breakfast.
January '03 - We say goodbye to my neighbor and promise to help his wife out however we can until he returns.
I am informed that I have been hired by my current employer, but must begin training the next month in Missoula, Montana.
February '03 - A is born on the third, which was to be my first day of work. I call my extraordinarily understanding boss that morning and my first week of employment will be on family leave.
I begin training the next week, and for the next 6 months I only see my family on weekends, flying out early every Monday morning and returning late Friday night.
August '03 - I finally return to Casper for good.
September '03 - We learn that my neighbor was killed in Tikrit by an improvised explosive device.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I shaved off my moustache a couple of years ago. I started growing it back the very next day because it spooked me when I looked up in the mirror and saw my brother's face staring back at me. Those little flashes of pain are the ones that are worst - when I see someone who reminds me of him there's also the reminder that I'll never see him again. I'll never meet the woman he might choose to marry. We'll never sit on the patio and barbecue, and watch our kids play around the backyard. I'll never hear him mimic Jerry Lewis or explain to me that it's hard for angry musicians to maintain their intensity as they become successful because they can't be that pissed off while sitting around their swimming pool surrounded by beautiful women.
For what it's worth, there are bright sides. My mom has been in remission for nearly four years. Other than an understandable bitterness, she is doing well. Unfortunately, her younger brother died of cancer two years ago this November. This was very hard on her, and makes me more than a little wary of my own genetic predisposition toward the same.
Our family life returned to normal eventually. C is still a bit overly clingy toward me on occasion. I don't mind.
Our neighbor's wife eventually moved back to her hometown, and successfully started her own business. I hear she's dating again. Shortly before her husband left for Iraq, they had come over to our house. He was messing about with our refrigerator magnet poetry set and assembled the sentence "I fiddle with produce." It somehow went untouched until well after he died. I put a piece of tape over it, and every time I look at it I think of Robert.
C has shown a healthy aptitude for running, and eerily inherited a lot of her uncle's mannerisms and facial expressions. I don't mind that, either.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, the first frost of the year happened this morning.
posted by ptooey at
2:12 PM
5 Comments:
Write beauty like this, every day. Somehow your words are thawing a really deeply frozen part of my heart. I need this. No pressure, my friend, and thank you.
By
bhd, at Tue Sep 12, 05:05:00 PM
Thanks for sharing your experience with us.
By
Allan, at Tue Sep 12, 07:00:00 PM
So I've been trying to collect my thoughts sufficiently to respond to you on this.
Sometimes, we have years that test our faith, our values and our humanity.
Our ability to survive those years makes us stronger in ways we didn't expect. I see that strength in you with every word you've written since I ran into you in the AU 18 months ago.
I saw it in Nic's eyes the first time I saw her.
I'm so sorry you went through all this. I think we discussed that it's interesting how many experiences all of us share in common, and we're all so convinced we're the only ones living those times in hell, when they arrive.
I hope this time has been healing for you. Thank you for letting me (and the rest of us) understand more about what makes you and your family the very special people you all are.
xox
B
By
Anonymous, at Fri Sep 15, 08:31:00 AM
All - Thank you for reading.
By
ptooey, at Thu Sep 28, 11:47:00 AM
sighs. great stuff E.
Now for the next 6 years. :hug:
By
Mermaid Melanie, at Fri Sep 29, 11:16:00 AM
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